This Circular Thinking Is Making Me Dizzy

When we first began considering this process, we sought counsel from a good friend who is already doing much of what we're hoping to do and is much farther down the road.  His advice was to have someone take care of the farm full-time and to read the book You Can Farm by Joel Salatin.  I was immediately interested in being the full-time person, so I bought the book and read it.  It was fascinating and incredibly educational.  I was a few chapters in when I realized that the author was the man I called the "profound farmer" featured on Food, Inc., a documentary that was influential in our family's process.  Joel Salatin is now one of my favorite people, and I'm currently in the middle of Family Friendly Farming: A Multi-Generational Home-Based Business Testament.  Wow!

I guess I'll be a bit vulnerable here and tell you that the reason I was interested in being the full-time farmer is because, while I mostly enjoy my job, it's not exactly a meaningful career, and I don't have a family of my own, so I struggle sometimes with investing the bulk of my time and energy in doing something that isn't really meaningful to me.  For a season is one thing, but for nearly 15 years is another.  I've always had a soft spot for animals and several years ago I discovered a love of gardening and the outdoors.  This seems like an opportunity to invest my time and energy in something that will be more meaningful and ultimately fulfilling.  Now, I'm sure I'm romanticizing it in my imagination, but I'm just as sure that I'd still like to try it.

So I have a plan.  I think I'd be glad for the Lord to interrupt or rearrange my plans (famous last words), but I'd rather have specific goals than vague hopes.  In very simple terms, my plan/hope is to work at my job for another 1-3 years while I pay off all of my debt (other than my mortgage which someone else is paying anyway) and save enough to have a healthy sized cushion while I transition to working on the farm and possibly building a business out of it.

Here's where the circular thinking comes in.  I'll have a moment of frustration that the process is going so slowly, then I'll think, "Okay then, what can we do right now while we wait?"  Then I sigh deeply and think, "Not much.  I can barely keep up with my life as it is."  I want to start learning as much as can now instead of waiting until I can actually do it full-time, but I don't have much time for learning until I can quit my job.  Similarly, in reality, we have a relatively large yard and we could grow a lot of food in the space we have...possibly even have some laying hens and rabbits.  But we're trying to sell our house, and not only do I "not have time", but an attractive lawn is generally more appealing to potential buyers than a yard sized vegetable garden and animal poo.  Not only that, but we're interested in emergency preparedness (New York City is a prime example of why this is a good idea), but we don't want to stockpile things that will only have to be moved eventually.  We're trying to get rid of things before the move, not add more.  I feel a sense of urgency that it would be wisdom to do this sooner than later, but the process is not going quickly at all.  So I'm caught in this tension of wanting to do as much as I can as soon as I can, but feeling like I can't effectively do much at all.

 

I guess what's important is to continue doing what we are able to do as we are able to do it, and realizing that we have actually done quite a lot.  While I don't know that we've made much progress in the area of sustainability (other than learning, which really is valuable!), we are continuing to learn and make healthier choices in our food and health and beauty products.  Things like organic apples, cloth napkins, and homemade moisturizer are simple changes, but not insignificant ones!

Now an update.  The offer we made on the house in Mustang was a consignment offer, meaning their house stays on the market while we try to sell ours, and if they have another offer we have 3 days to come up with a plan to buy it even if our house hasn't sold.  We didn't know what kind of response we'd have to our house or how easy or difficult it would be to sell, but it looks like it's not going to be easy.  We haven't had a single official showing of our house.  Some neighbors across the street came over and asked to see it one day and said they might be interested but they'd have to sell their house first.  There has been no interest other than that.  I think houses in our neighborhood generally don't sell quickly, and our house is unique on top of that, having 5 bedrooms, etc.   Well, another offer was made on the house in Mustang and accepted.  We considered taking on 2 mortgages to make it work, but felt like that wasn't what the Lord was saying.  I think I'm equally relieved and disappointed.  While it was wonderful in so many ways, I think ultimately it was too far and too expensive.  I do feel a little sad if I think about it, but at the same time, I really haven't thought about it that much. We haven't processed it as a family yet, so I'm not sure where everyone else is, but I think I can confidently say that the bottom line is: we trust the Lord.